WHY INMATES SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED TO WRITE WHILE IN PRISON
I will never forget when my brother blessed me with the suggestion of writing while I was in prison. It was one of those moments I find myself looking back on and being in complete shock of what that suggestion blossomed into. I began writing with a completely broken heart. My fleeting thoughts and emotions were all over the place and I did not know how I was ever going to pull this writing thing off. I didn’t know where or how to really begin. All I knew was I wanted it. As soon as he said it, something clicked and I knew it had to happen, and just like anything in my life that I cherish, I knew I was going to have to battle for it.
I read somewhere that if you want to become a writer you should start off with a goal of writing 250 words a day. I have no idea where I read that, but I ran with it. As I scheduled time to write every day it did not take long for me to notice some distinct changes starting to take effect in me. My emotions seemed to be more under control, and I was able to handle myself better. I noticed I was quickly gaining confidence and slowly but surely, I began to believe in myself.
Writing started as a tool for survival and morphed into a passion that I became excited to pursue. During my prison sentence I noticed the magic emerge from this mess I was in. Writing has given me purpose and has changed my life for the better. If you have a loved one incarcerated, encourage them to take the time to write and to tell their story.
This is a gift that was given to me and I am so grateful for it and I want to pass it on. Here are some of the ways writing has helped me and improved my life while incarcerated.
- AWARENESS
Writing has completely changed me, my life, and the way I perceive and process things going on around me. You cannot write about yourself and your surroundings if you are not aware. When I sit down and begin to pour myself out on the paper, I find myself bringing awareness to the tiniest details and that has brought about some of the biggest changes in me.
I have discovered parts of my own journey that I had never bothered to notice. Writing the words of my life, both my pain and my joy, has given new dimensions to things I could never quite figure out about myself. Battling the mysteries of mef without getting to the core of the problem was a losing battle that without searching for the truth and true understanding, could never be won.
When I put words to paper about a past or present problem I am battling, it gives it life. The words create dimensions and lines, just enough to sort it out. When you can actually see the problem, you can cultivate the good and begin to change or let go of the bad. Writing out the ugly things of my past that kept luring my mind back to a cage gave me the ability to break it down and dissolve some problems that just kept hanging me up.
Although there are a lot of things that are wrong, writing gives me the awareness that helps me to see how many blessings have come out of this fierce personal battle of mine. My journey has taken on a whole new life and continues to flourish, thanks to the practice of writing. By encouraging your loved one to write, you are giving them a gift that will help free their soul and maybe, just maybe, the gift of writing will allow them to write a user manual for themselves that will prove to be priceless.
2. CORRAL EMOTIONS
Before I started writing, I struggled to corral my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Sitting down to write gave me the freedom to dissect my broken heart and truly define my grief. I forced myself to sit down night after night and I battled through my pain while I wrote. It was often like driving through a storm. The floods of emotions were sometimes uncontrollable. My eyelashes were like windshield wipers that could not keep up with the tears that would sometimes flood the very paper I was writing on. I kept on and did not let the discomfort detour me.
My goal is to write everything with a transparent heart. This passion of mine was the vehicle to purge my pain and call a truce with that battle that had raged on inside me for so many years. Getting all these emotions and feelings out on the table made it so much easier to let go of what I needed to.
On days that I feel lost or beside myself, I pick up a pen and spell out what I am feeling, what I am thinking, and I look for a trigger that has set me off. I refuse to just go flailing through life with my emotions just flapping in the wind.
An unfortunate common pastime for inmates is ruminating. I know there have been times I feel like I am suffocating on regrets. The only thing that puts my past in perspective is when I write it out. The smell of the ink from my pen is now my go to for a natural sedative and spending time creating allows me to get those skeletons out and dance with them if I feel like it. Hiding and silence is no longer an option. This is important for someone that is incarcerated, and writing can be an amazing tool for survival.
3. SELF CONTROL
Writing has been an effective way in helping me with my self-control. I set a writing schedule for myself and create a deadline and I make it happen. I make time six days a week to sit down and write. For the first part of the week, mostly Monday and Tuesday, I create. I sit down and thought vomit all over the pages for hours. I purge everything I think and feel about whatever topic I have settled on for the week, and I leave it all right there on the paper. Some days I do not even worry about including much reason.
By Wednesday and Thursday, I spend time trying to wrangle in all the crazy I let out. Some of my more emotional topics or writing about myself, prove to be a tall task for me. At this point in the process, I just sort through and look for coherent thoughts and do my best to make sense of the mess I have made. It feels so good to let go and get carried away that I do not mind the extra work of cleaning up.
Then Friday is when it is time to get the landing gear out and focus on getting the plane on the ground. This is normally a long process that drives me crazy, but I love it just as much, all at the same time. Come Saturday morning, it is time to type.
Neither of these days are free from creativity. Sometimes the blog takes on a whole new life and direction at the very last moment and that is where I have the most fun. I can only type for 30 minutes. Then I must get off the computer and wait 30 minutes before I can get on and go again. I continue this process throughout the day, often battling lines of people waiting for their turn and the room is frequently loud and full of distraction.
Being incarcerated, this schedule and myself are the only things over which I have control. During this corona pandemic we have lost communication at times which made my day for typing impossible. Regardless of conditions, or what is going on, I have this activity and drive and that has been what has kept me sane thus far. I have fallen in love with this process and I look forward to each topic. I make rules and deadlines for myself and I follow them, for me and me alone.
4. RESISTING TEMPTATION
Being incarcerated will drive a person to desperately seek distraction. So many of the distractions are empty and by no means fulfilling. They run the risk of wasting that precious commodity of time. By dedicating my free time to writing I have been able to detour myself to resist temptation. Instead of reaching for a cookie or comfort food, I reach for a pen and truly get to the bottom of what is driving me in the wrong direction and making me seek comfort.
Resisting temptation can really show you what you are made of. All the little battles and little wins add up to build a foundation for confidence and create a drive to push for more personal goals. Writing has shown me how truly resilient I am. I believe my past can be used as a guide, but it is no way a key to my future. Taking the time to write about what is tempting me has allowed me to write a user manual for myself. If I am doing __ this ____ helps. As crazy as this sounds, it has been extremely helpful in resisting temptation.
In the search for more blogs and my desire to generate more content, I fill my time with books that I know I can learn something from. Prison is a great place to write and work on yourself if you resist the temptations for a quick fix and instant gratification. Focusing on peeling away the layers of armor I do not need anymore because I focus on resisting temptation and building myself up. This has helped me to really meet myself and learn my own language. I am proud of how strong I have become.
5. BUILDING CONFIDENCE IN ACCOMPLISHMENT
Writing has helped me to discover and build my self-worth. It has provided the opportunity of true self-discovery, to find my truth and share my story. Sometimes I worry about hitting that send button on Saturday evenings. I have two loved ones that do my editing and make sure I do not go crazy. Knowing that I have both is like having a safety net and helps bring me confidence that if I say something stupid, I know they will catch it. I do find myself worrying about what people will think about the things I have said after I have poured my heart out and I am sometimes tempted not to hit send. I am tempted by fear that my thoughts will not be accepted. Then I remind myself, these are my thoughts and I have promised myself to be transparent for the remainder of my life. So, by 5pm every Saturday night, I hit that send button.
Each blog stands for so much more than the words I type. It stands for the hours of work that I dedicate to creating, accomplishing, expelling my pain, and learning to get better at this passion of mine. Doing this while incarcerated, submerged in distraction and surrounded by hurdles, gives me an even greater sense of accomplishment. I know that if I can write here, then I can write anywhere.
What I have learned is that everything will never be perfect. The stars are not going to align and make everything smooth sailing and easy. The conditions in the room I write in look like a terrible place to be creative, but it forces me to focus inward and really get out the things I need to say. I believe it does not matter where you are, if you want it bad enough, you will learn to make it happen.
Every blog post is like another lap around the track or another round of exercises I set out to accomplish. To me, a blog is a rep, and every rep builds my foundation and keeps me headed in the right direction of what I have set out to accomplish. Every week my confidence grows, and I have more trust in my abilities. I no longer worry about perfection or acceptance. Love me or hate me, just keep reading and clicking.
6. WRITE NOW, NOT IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR.
I have people tell me all the time that they intend to write about their experience and their journey when they leave. They see me writing and typing like a crazy person and do not know how I can do it while I am here. I know there are a lot of inmates with those same desires and intentions and I believe when they hit that door, the majority are consumed by life and their story will not be written. Here, in prison, we are sitting still. Time is just ticking away slowly, and as it is ticking, I am writing, because I know as a human, we so easily forget. I know that the minute I am out of this situation I will forget so many things. I will never forget my journey but the details along the way that mean so much might get lost if I do not write about them right now.
I believe my story and my influence will help people. Writing my story and sorting out myself helps me tremendously. I have always loved a great comeback story, and nothing inspires me like the underdog coming out of nowhere to succeed. I am excited to be writing that story for myself right here in prison.
In conclusion, there are so many people incarcerated in this country with a story to tell. They have a truth that needs to be told that will be something that someone needs to hear. Writing while incarcerated provides so many benefits. To me it has become such a passion and I feel like it has freed my soul and has helped to heal my broken heart. I am so much sturdier because of this crazy journey and writing has helped me to recognize all the important details that just cannot be left out. Being an inmate, I have so much compassion for people that are, or have been incarcerated, they are my tribe. I have learned the value of lifting other women up and encouraging them to find their voice and to tell their own story. Bravery and courage are sisters, not twins, but they do go together. You must have the attitude before you act. Prison can be the crucible to forge your true character, and writing can be the vehicle to train your mind and to free your soul.
