WHY ARE WE ALWAYS WAITING TO START ON MONDAY? 5 ways to encourage your incarcerated loved one, or you, to make changes right now, do not wait.
Coming to prison gave me the opportunity to study myself and others and witness the power of the excuse maker our brain can truly be. I became obsessive about my own personal growth and habits and paying attention to the habits that make a person successful. Have you ever stopped and wondered why so many of us want to wait to do something good? To make changes to better ourselves and do good things that improve our lives, why do we put it off?
With the notion of a plan for improvement, many people will hit the brakes and insist on putting it off to a later date along with a pile of pathetic excuses. Diets, exercise programs, and big goals seem to repel humans from jumping on board right away. They must think about it, they must get ready, or they must cook up a good excuse not to start or follow through.
Things that are unhealthy happen in a flash. It is like we slip and fall right into so many bad habits with complete ease. Like a smoker that has not smoked in years, picking up a cigarette even once can be a real slippery slope that will be a full-on battle to end again. When people here are walking around passing out cheesecakes or other desserts, you do not hear anyone say, “oh I don’t want to start eating sweets until Monday.” No, as humans we are our own worst enemies. We let our brains conjure up excuses and tell us stories that deter us from even getting started on a better life. Let me introduce you to the notion of akrasia and how bringing awareness to this term can neutralize its power.
Once upon a time, long ago in ancient Greece, brilliant philosophers were sitting around a campfire coming up with genius ideas and gave birth to the term akrasia. I really do not know how it went down, but in my mind, that is what happened. Akrasia is when someone knows better but proceeds with reckless abandon anyway. That pretty much sums up so much of my life. All these years, I have never heard this term. Why? I think it is such an important term that if properly marketed and made popular, might just lead folks to be aware. That has become my mission here.
People are like the ostrich myth (they do not actually bury their heads). We bury our heads when danger is coming our way. Or like my dogs that think if they cannot see me, I cannot see them when they are doing something wrong. They know they are doing wrong; they just look away. It is weird how eye contact with someone can stop one in their tracks. Our behaviors may have us hurling into unacceptable situations sending us into blind rages or some kind of passionate act we may later regret. Or maybe with one wrong choice after another, we move at a glacial pace sweeping along picking up bad habits all along the way and making an even larger mess, slowly moving into the dark side, little by little losing sight of the light. All along the way, we know better, if we had just made eye contact.
There are so many behaviors that we know will cause nothing but problems and yet we gravitate to them like a moth to a flame. Addictions, obsessive eating, laziness and excuses are akratic issues that can be minimized when we bring awareness to the fact that we are acting as our own worst enemy. When we know we can do better, and we should do better, so what are we waiting for? In the name of instant gratification, good intentions are derailed and go down in flames. It is just that easy to hurl yourself into the act of akrasia, like in the blink of an eye.
When my whole entire residential alley is whipping up delicious looking food and all I want to do is grab a fork and go on a taste testing mission, I tell that destructive side of me I have lovingly named Akrasia, “sit down Akrasia and drop the fork.” Some days keeping her at bay is a full-time babysitting job. I know she is a part of me, and it is my mission to not let her lead.
As a fitness instructor and the wellness clerk here in prison I could write a book on people’s akratic actions. The excuses people give me as to why they must wait to better themselves have become entertaining and really quite fascinating. We humans are complicated creatures. We know what is good for us but so many are not ready to bring full awareness to ourselves. When we let that awareness in, embrace it completely, change is on the horizon.
Some people think they must start a fitness program on Monday. When I ask why Monday, they normally reply that that is the beginning of a new week. I just cannot figure out what that has to do with anything, and no one can seem to fully explain why that is such a good idea. Sounds to me like an excuse to put off acting right.
I also hear people say they will start on the first of the month. The funniest time I heard this was on the third day of the month. “Oh, so you are putting this off for pretty much another entire month???” Right, um, well I guess I will see you next month to try to catch this train once again…
What I find about people that make a huge production, expect big things immediately, insist that everything is just so and everything must be in a particular way about starting a new workout program or starting a diet program is that they don’t last. Of the ladies that made it a point to start on a certain day of the week or the month without taking some kind of leap of faith, I can’t recall a single one of them actually going the distance.
I feel like when people are expecting the planets to align just right, or a neon sign to drop from heaven informing them that it is time to make a change, they will be nothing less than constantly disappointed. There is no magical potion or formula to successfully become fit both mentally and physically. Only hard work, dedication, and showing up every single day of the week to work toward your change even if it is the smallest step. When you get that feeling, it is time to go, so you need to start right away.
I have heard so many inmates say they will wait until 6 months before they are released to get their sweat on and get their bodies right. I find myself wondering if I should tell them a little tale about how long it has taken me and disrupt their way of thinking. Sometimes I waste my breath and say what I think while people stare at me blankly. When humans get things stuck in their heads about the way things should be, there are no words that will change their minds. The akrasia side of them is dominating and there is no way you can convince their internal worst enemy of anything.
Some people are pliable and ask how long I think it will take them to do this or that, as if I have a crystal ball. tell them however long they have been sitting around not moving or even attempting to better themselves, take those years plus a few more give or take and by then you might just get to par. That is hard to hear but sometimes it is exactly what someone needs to hear to make them get to work.
I can see my akratic actions on the horizon and know when I must take control. On Fridays I know I cannot take my fork with me when I go to write. I know that is the day that everyone cooks and creates delicious food that for some reason they want me to sample. No fork, no try. I tell Akrasia to shut up and sit down. I have begun to introduce people to their own Akrasia. Some are fascinated and some look at me like they knew I was insane all along, but they just did not know it was this bad.
I have some neighbors that have declared they are going on diets two weeks ahead of time. These gals just picked a date randomly and decided it was going to be their start date. Knowing their unbridled eating is about to end, they have gone mad eating everything they will not be able to start on that specific date. They both know they need to end or reduce their sugar intake dramatically. They can feel it in their bones, in their bodies, and something in their heads are screaming to stop the insanity. Both have significant health issues, so they know better, they have been told more than once. Instead of trusting their instincts and diving into a change, they set the date out far enough I think they believe it will never come.
As the day grows near, I can hear the panic growing from across the way and doubt is sinking in. Their brains are already rioting against this decision and together they are losing their minds. I listen to them anguish for the next week and hear them talk themselves into and out of a good plan. They decide not to try and go through the holidays, so they only must endure this thing for a month. Awe come on, what is the point?
One of my friends has blasted through every goal she has set over the past few years. Little by little she went from wearing XL and has proceeded to whittle herself down to a medium, but now those clothes are falling off her. She knows she needs to buy a size small but has panicked and is afraid to. I explained to her about akrasia and how that enemy side of her has begun to tell her stories. She is fascinated and wants to know more. I tell her that she has her akrasia on a leash and if she is aware and takes precautions, she will be ok.
She was afraid because the holidays are coming. Holidays in prison are a real rough time. You cannot help but be plagued with past memories and aches of missing your loved ones. A lot of people gain weight for the holidays, but in prison people pack on epic amounts. For many years, this gal was plagued with a yo-yo body and her brain had begun to tell her those tales once again, producing fear that distracted her from the amazing things she has already accomplished.
For over two years she has progressed by leaps and bounds and cleared every hurdle in her path. I explained to her that what she has accomplished is a lifestyle change and not just a diet like she used to do. She now has the awareness that will keep her in line. Her akrasia wanted her not to see what was so obvious to me. She has crafted her habits by tending to them every day. Physical and mental fitness are her priority and it clearly shows. I have no doubt that she has every tool she needs to prepare for the holiday battle and bracing to keep her emotions under control. She is also purchasing her small new clothes because her akrasia no longer runs the show.
The funniest part about writing a blog about excuses is all the excuses I found myself making to finish it. Just talking about excuses made me make them for some reason. The human brain never ceases to amaze me and the stories we tell ourselves to keep us from our dreams can really wreak havoc if unattended. When it hits you that it is time to make a change for your well-being, drop the donut right now and run for your life. You do not have to have all the answers for the perfect diet or fitness routine, it does not matter if you show up. People are all different and what works for some people-might not be the answer for others and could even derail their progress. Get to know yourself. Bring awareness to the akratic behaviors that all humans possess and put a leash on them. The planets are never going to line up just so to where everything magically clicks into place. Change isn’t easy but in so many cases it is imperative, so do not wait.
5 ways to encourage your incarcerated loved one to change now.
1. TALK TO THEM ABOUT THEIR INTENTIONS AND GOALS- find out what they want to accomplish with their mind and body and support them. When they talk about making changes, support them with reading materials such as blogs and books to encourage them to overcome any hurdles.
2. ENCOURAGE THEM TO DO SOME SOLE SEARCHING- It is important to search for the ineffective scripts that have become ingrained in our DNA. Scripts that tell us we are not worthy or not capable. Let your loved one know about the term akrasia and help them to be aware of how we can be our own worst enemy.
3. SHOWING UP- encourage them to show up every day of their life to make the changes they want to make. Whether it is mental or physical, showing up and putting in the work will never be a wasted day.
4. Pray- pray with them, pray for them. Ask them how you can pray for them.
5. Habits- ask them about their habits and what habits they are forming to help them change. Find out what they feel they need to let go of what is holding them back.
