Visitation in prison
Visitation in prison is a highlight and full of teachable moments. Where else on earth will you sit face to face with your loved ones and have heartfelt conversations for hours on end with little distraction? Here it’s just you and your loved one. There are no cell phones, no TV, no wandering off, no naps, and no getting busy doing something else. The lessons I’ve learned in visitation are something I will take with me when I leave. To sit in front of one another and talk, really talk, is something that is just so special. Before coming here, I can’t say that happened very often, with technology and distractions everywhere, it’s not always easy to do. I remember always seeing people at dinner or family gatherings and everyone is doing something besides paying attention to the people that are right there in front of them. Learning to be present and connecting with one another is a gift. I don’t recommend coming to prison, but I want to continue what I have learned by having visits here when I leave. I have yet to have a bad visit and being with my loved ones in person lifts my spirits beyond words. Anyone that has ever been incarcerated knows how alone you can feel. Even with regular phone calls and emails, you still can feel extremely disconnected and isolated. The one thing that is sure to pull you out of that rabbit hole is a visit. If you have a loved one incarcerated, I encourage you to make the time and take a trip to visit them. Regardless of the situation that brought them there or what kind of institution they are in, they need your presence, I know I do. So, here are some of my visitation tales sprinkled with information on visiting and what to expect, but most importantly, full of hope and encouragement.
Before I discuss visitation at my federal prison camp, I must give my back story about federal holding. Visitation at federal holding is way different than at this federal camp. The year I spent at federal holding was difficult for so many reasons. I had never been in jail, and no one in my family goes to jail or prison. So, this was new for all of us. I am so lucky to be blessed with a loving and supportive family that came and saw me on a regular basis.
Visitation at federal holding is behind glass and you must use a phone to speak with your visitor. It is only a 30-minute visit unless you had a job, and I did, then you were able to have an hour. Visitation is normally only once a week and for me was on Tuesdays. You are in your horrible orange outfit and you are not allowed makeup or hair color. They did have a barber shop and on visit days anyone that was going to have a visit could sign up to get their hair done. It was nice to do that because it helped you feel human again and for that day you could get yourself out of the fog. I still hated the way I looked, and my grey hair was growing and taking over my head. One of my friends happened upon a brown wet dry erase marker and for a long time we hid my grey hair for my visits with that marker. It wasn’t going to last forever, so one time someone talked me into making a paste out of instant coffee and painting that on my grays. Since I was behind glass, I was the only one that could smell it, so I did it. Unless you plan to be in a glass box, I really don’t recommend it.
At first, I didn’t want visits. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing my family through glass and not being able to hug or touch them, especially my daughter. In my federal holding fog, I can’t remember how long it took before I asked my family to come see me. Other inmates knew I talked to my family on the phone daily and got mail and would ask why no one came to see me. I was so afraid, ashamed, embarrassed, and so sorry for what I did and what I had put everyone through that I couldn’t bear the thought of them having to go through the trouble of seeing me. Other inmates encouraged me to ask for a visit. They told me how much it helped them to get through their week and how important it was to connect with my loved ones. Thank God they were there to push me to set up a visit.
The first time my family came to visit at federal holding I was a wreck. Even though I knew they were on the way, I paced in my cell like a caged animal waiting to hear my name called as crazy thoughts went through my head. Once my name was called, I quickly went to the bathroom one more time knowing that was the last trip I would make until after the visit, and ran down to the front door of the pod and waited in line with the rest of the ladies that had a visit. We were patted down and walked in a line out of our building, down a sidewalk, past the recreation yard and then into another building where we waited for the steel gates to be buzzed open. Once in the visiting area, ladies scattered all around to find their seat and then waited for their loved ones to come in.
Waiting when you are that excited it hard. When my family came in, I was relieved and so happy. The first visit was my mom and dad. They decided to do a trial run, so they knew what to expect before bringing my daughter. I have never been so happy to see my people in my life. Seeing them alive and healthy lifted my spirits. I was hooked and asked them to come every week. From that point forward, I lived for Tuesdays.
I was still really concerned for my daughter to come. Federal prison is a pretty scary place to pull up to and I had already put her through enough. Something about all the razor wire really does something to ruin the ambiance. When my daughter came the first time, I remember noticing how relieved she looked, and I asked her what she thought she was going to see. What she described sounded more like death row in a movie. She expected to have to walk through cages with people in them screaming and visit in some dark area with chains… She also expected me to look much worse. It was a relief to me to see her relieved. I realized I was being selfish by not having my family come earlier. Inmates need to realize it helps your loved ones to see you too. There were other kids and loved ones all in the same boat. Some of the regulars became friends and enjoyed seeing each other every week. My parents and my daughter became regulars for the rest of my stay there and one night she even brought a friend along to meet me.
I was blessed with other friends and family that came to see me too. My parents would rotate out some weeks because there was a limit on how many people could be in there. There were also “special visits” for family and friends that lived further away. That type of visit had to be approved but it was nice for the facility to make acceptations and accommodate people.
When I got to my federal prison camp, I immediately checked on the procedure for visits and got my visiting forms to send to loved ones. Then I found out that they could be printed from the bureau of prisons (BOP) website and that was easier for my family and friends. There is a background check involved and if there are discrepancies, they will come up so answer the questions honestly. There are exceptions and sometimes temporary visitor passes are allowed in certain circumstances. So even if you have a past, I encourage everyone to fill one out and send it in and see what happens. I don’t know how it is handled at other places, but here the forms are sent into our councilors for approval. This can take a few days or weeks; it just depends on the staff situation. Once someone is approved, the inmate is notified and after that, visits can take place. Visitation is held every Saturday, Sunday, and every federal holiday from 8:30 to 3:30. I recommend getting there closer to 8 to check in
because there may be a line of people waiting. You must have the inmate identification number of the person you are visiting when you check in. Make sure you are familiar with the rules of what to wear and what you can bring in. I also recommend having a second outfit in the car, just in case they get picky. I can assure you your loved one does not care about what you are wearing. So be comfortable. Don’t wear tight clothes or anything green and make sure your toes are covered. If you are not dressed right, you won’t get in. They will cut off checking in visitors from around 9:15 to 11 am, because there is a count at 10 am on weekends in all federal prisons. If you are already in the visiting room, they will count you in there. It only takes a minute and might seem a little weird, but don’t worry, to us this is perfectly normal.
The visiting room is set up with tables and chairs. Inmates will sit 9n one side and guests on the other. There is an outside area with tables as well. There are vending machines for snacks, sandwiches, drinks, and coffee.
Inmates are not allowed to handle money or go to the vending machines, so bring in change, $1'sand $5’s, debit cards and credit cards for the machines. If you have the money for it, you can eat and drink all you want. You can’t leave and come back in, so don’t forget your money in your car. Inmates can purchase picture tickets from commissary during their shop times and bring the tickets to visit. There is a photographer and backdrops to stand in front of. There is a shelf full of board games, playing cards, and pictures for kids to color. The games don’t always have instructions, so you might want to brush up on some card games and tricks before you come in, just in case.
I remember the first time I had a visit here. I was so nervous and excited! I hadn’t hugged my family for over a year and I was terrified of the flood of emotions that was about to take over. Let me just say I have never had a bad visit and my happiness overrides any jitters I have ever had.
Let me just give you a quick rundown on what happens on our end. When we know we are going to have a visit, we get ready to go. This means we get suited and booted in our uniforms. Green shirt and slacks, brown t-shirt, steel toed boots, and name tag. This is the only time my clothes are ironed… Once ready, we wait, or if you are me you pace like a maniac. Once the guard announces your name, we head to yellow out of bounds line in front of admin to wait for a guard to come and get us to check in. Normally to check in they ask your name and ask if you are taking any property in, like glasses, then they may pat you down quickly and then they open the door and there are your loved ones… I think this must be how my dogs feel when they wait for me to open the door.
That feeling of coming through the door, never gets old.
For me, I don’t need visits all the time. One of my friends came and asked if it made me sad when I didn’t have a visit and I was hearing other names being called. The thought had never crossed my mind. I just love knowing that people are getting visits and I’m happy for them. I love to see the joy on people’s faces after seeing their loved ones. They glow…
I have an amazing family; they have always made the holidays special and that hasn’t changed a bit. The past two years they have given me the best Christmas present I could ever ask for, a visit on Christmas day! It means so much to have them here. Our dinner consists of vending machine food, but we don’t care, it is perfect!
The camp at this institution has a family day once a year. This is so the children of the inmates can come spend the day and see where their mom lives. It is put on by the staff and the other inmates. There is so much that goes into the preparation of this event. Life size games and activities are planned for the entire day and it is always so special. Check to see if this happens where your loved one is.
This institution also has video visits. This is amazing and really gets me through week to week. Every Friday I see my parents for 30 min, and I am grateful for it. They are almost 6 hours away, so the video visit is fantastic. There is a you tube to help people on the outside get it set up.
In conclusion, all communication with your loved one is so important, but visits are extremely special. Inmates need that connection with loved ones. Of course, phone calls and emails are always welcome, but visits are a special blessing. If you have a loved one incarcerated, I encourage you to make the trip to visit them. I don’t quite have words for the way a visit lifts my spirits. Video visits are also amazing and can be a great way to make that connection if travel is not an option. Check to see if it is available, and if it is, set one up. They do cost $6 so you may offer to help with the cost. I think it is imperative that people understand the importance of visiting with people who are incarcerated. The memories and the quality time spent, is priceless.
