THE STRUGGLE TO RISE ABOVE THE CORONAVIRUS AS AN INMATE
As the Covid 19 virus shuts down the country, as an inmate we have a whole new sense of helplessness. We are concerned about our family at home, our well-being, and our community here; negativity is spreading faster than the virus itself. We rise and fall together, and because of that, we need to check our attitudes and demeanor at the door. We must learn to transcend these trying times and use positivity and love to combat the depressing news and bad reports.
I know my attitude impacts those around me, and I know how greatly we influence one another. Be that as it may, I know how important it is to count my blessings out loud and to point out to others that even though there is a tremendous amount of bad, there is still a lot of good, and we must talk about it. We are all stressed out with this virus hijacking life as we know it. It is always hard to see the end from the middle. So now is the time to battle those dark demons and counteract with light and positivity.
Some of us have taken this as our cue to bring out that silver lining playbook and quarterback some plays to put positivity back into the game. I have a real good friend that always makes sure to point out the silver lining daily because you can find it in any situation, if you look for it. With a crisis upon us, some of these ladies have risen to lead the way with hope.
With the fear monger folks cracking the whip and circling the wagons, you must really focus and set your intentions to rise above their negative plight they continue to distribute. Prison is stressful enough, but just add the coronavirus sprinkled with some panic and you find a whole new level of triggers sending people into a tailspin all over this compound. Those focused on heightening fear by insisting on spreading rumors and pure lies, are worthless to me. These people are hooked on the notion of crisis in general, and they exhaust me.
We are stuck here and are at the mercy of this system. We watch the news and hear about the social distancing as we are piled in here on top of each other and ordered to stay inside knowing what that truly means if there was any exposure as the news continues to show these makeshift morgues that we just can’t wrap our brains around. Thinking we can understand everything is a fallacy, and as we accept that we can’t, you really begin to sense the helplessness emerging that so many are struggling with.
Prison is full of people that have learned to feel helpless and pessimistic and those are the ones that tend to think this is going to last forever. It’s important to show people that there is another way. Optimism and positivity can light up the tunnel to bring folks out of their funk. Together we are resilient, and one person’s courage becomes another person’s life preserver. We must remind ourselves and others that this is only temporary. While some people are glued to the TV just dying to hear more bad news, some of us have decided to persevere and go outside, find some joy, reinvent ourselves and our workouts, and inspire others along the way.
The day the gym closed was the day the music died for some of us, and especially me. Now my precious gym has all been locked up and there is no end in sight, I know it’s time to keep it moving. The bigger picture is to take this situation and grow and evolve into so much more. I know I am guilty of getting in my comfort zone. When one door closes, another opens, and the weather has been nice enough to get outside. It’s not perfect, but nothing ever is. As the grass gets greener, I know summer is on the way and that brings me relief.
When it is beautiful outside it is easy to get people moving. But when the wind is whipping and the track is wet, it takes some incentive and coaxing to bring people out. There are a lot of ladies here working on personal fitness goals. With the gym locked and the stress of the coronavirus situation, some of these ladies could easily give up, but they don’t, and the best part is the ladies that are going out of their way to inspire and encourage others to stay positive and keep it moving.
I have a cool friend that is truly beautiful inside and out. From the minute she got here she hit the ground running. She set her intentions to get fit and fight for it every step of the way and the best part is she is taking people along for the ride with her. Even before she was an instructor, she gathered an entourage and made her own little workout tribe. It has been awesome to watch their progress and she has already progressed by leaps and bounds. Now she is an instructor, and she is amazing at what she does and how far she has come in such little time. She pours her heart and soul into the people she trains. She rallies these people and lights the way with her spirit.
For a minute, the coronavirus took her spirit. The gym was closed and the next time I saw her she told me she had lost her purpose. All it took was a little pep talk and some encouragement to let her know that now she had more purpose than ever and to let her know this whole compound needs her skills for rallying and the positivity she brings. Anyone that can get people up and moving in the right direction is always needed. Now she has her whole crew out on the track jogging. It doesn’t matter if the sun is shining or it’s raining, she pushes through and carries on her mission. I admire her and telling this story delights me.
Another very dear friend has become my die-hard workout buddy, and has come so far. She has lost over 40 pounds and has become miss positivity, and I love it. She inspires me and now keeps me honest with my workouts and doesn’t let me get out of anything. There are days I squirrel off and forget what I am doing, and she brings me right back and gets me going again. At the beginning of this year, I was bound and determined I was going to become a runner this year and she decided to jump on that goal too. Now that we are kicked out of the gym and off our treadmills, we are on the track like real runners. This girl has never been a runner. She told me she used to sit in her garage drinking beer and watching women run around her neighborhood wondering what was wrong with them.
Turns out, she is one of those disgusting natural runners that would appear she has been effortlessly running along with a beautiful stride like Forrest Gump for all of eternity. I swear if she isn’t running marathons by the time I get out, I might just beat her up. I have watched as the coronavirus pandemic has officially altered the trajectory of her life as she has found a whole new level of confidence and set her sights on something so much higher than she ever dreamed. I am in awe and I am so excited to see what she goes on to do.
Before I even got to finish writing this, the game has changed yet again. Now we are locked down to our units for a nationwide stay in place. I will go into this more in detail in my next blog. There are a handful of us from food service and warehouse that still work, and I am one of them. I have always been grateful for my job, but now I have a new level of gratitude for being able to get out of the housing unit during work hours. The first day of quarantine, I drug my feet coming home and walked as slow as possible. Walking into this unit was the last thing I wanted to do when it was such a perfect day for a run.
This whole thing makes me flash back to my year at federal holding at a maximum-security facility, and it kind of freaks me out if I let my mind loose. I must admit coming in to be locked down for the night, I was battling my feelings and thoughts as I entered the building, but that was quickly turned around as I was greeted by two of my crazy workout buddies. They looked like little kids waiting for mom to come home. These little loony toons had been playing all day. They traveled around by doing walking lunges all over the unit. One of them had a makeshift circuit class in the morning and then proceeded to travel around finding people to do different workouts with her. Both of these gals are always on the go and would be the first people to run out that door the minute we are given the green light and they are probably two of the most affected people when it comes to disrupting their day with these new changes, but they have risen to the occasion. This situation is like pure torture for them, but they don’t let it get to them, they put a smile on their pretty faces and they play like little kids full of energy and it makes me happy to watch them spread their joy. I am so proud of their spirit and their drive to reach out to others to share some of their positive attitude. They are my little negativity warriors and they are so necessary to so many people’s survival around here.
Today is Saturday, April 4, 2020 and it’s my first day not being able to go outside. I will be stuck here all weekend but will go to work Monday morning. I think my friends were concerned about my wellbeing. I was kind of pouting when I got roped into a little circuit workout and then ended up being an all-day event. This has been a great day. Somehow, the day has flown by and I find myself looking forward to tomorrow’s shenanigans with these workout fiends. I’m a pretty positive person, but this crisis has taken its toll, so these ladies have my gratitude for making sure I didn’t make it anywhere near a funk.
In conclusion, we all must get through this and here in these crowded quarters, we are going to have to get through this together. We must remember this is not the end of the world and this is not going to last forever. It is so important to remember that no one has been through this before, this is new to everyone. We must have patience and understanding and harness our emotions. Some people have to really dig deep but it’s imperative to resurrect whatever optimism you ever had and hold on for dear life, as the fears and uncertainty sets in more every day, and each day seems to bring a new set of challenges and changes to overcome. I know I am grateful to see people working to inspire and putting their own courage on display for all to see and feed off. I am truly blessed to have these ladies in my life.
