Life on Federal Home Confinement
I was released from Federal prison to home confinement a year and 4 months ago and I have 27 more months to go. It is hard to find words to explain the home confinement experience. It is so weird because you are free, but not really…
Somedays I complain, but really it’s not too bad. It’s like the goldfish you buy from the pet store that you have to keep in a plastic bag to acclimate it to the tank before you just let it go. That’s me. I’m the goldfish looking through my transparent baggie at the world on the other side. I’m just acclimating to life and the madness that goes along with it. I just have to find and focus on the positive and find gratitude for all that I get to experience and hold on to for dear life.
Here is a quick rundown of my journey:
I was indicted in 2014 and then released back to society. Let me introduce you to the land of uncertainty…
Pretrial release is when you are federally indicted but get released from custody before you take your plea or are sentenced. I spent 3 years on pretrial release waiting to take my plea. The best way I can illustrate pretrial is that it’s a balancing act of knowing the train is going to wreck soon enough and keeping yourself from derailing before you made it to the crash site.
I would confidently say that pretrial is the worst stage of an indictment. You only know your charges and have some idea of what you are facing. You can’t move forward, can’t plan for the future, and you sure can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Up next, is federal holding. While some defendants never experience a federal holding facility, some defendants stay there for years waiting for sentencing. I had to turn myself in when I took my plea and stay until I was sentenced. By the time you reach federal holding, you are just bracing yourself and praying the judge shows mercy. I was in federal holding for a year before I was sentenced.
Then I went to prison… The most comforting part about prison was having an end date. I knew the worst-case scenario of when I might be released. There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to create a schedule, make some goals, and finally found some purpose. I filled up my entire day with productive activity and if I am being honest, the years flew by.
Then along came Covid-19. Not only did the world change as we knew it, but the prison system got some reform against the will of the Bureau of Prisons.
The federal prison camp was already on lockdown when the administration stormed the building to tell us that due to the Cares act and Covid 19, there was a list of people leaving early. People that had 18 months to the door could be released as early as their 25% mark and everyone else would have to get to 50% as long as they fit the criteria.
I was skeptical. I watched a lot of heartache at the beginning of all this. While the kinks were being worked out there were a lot of people let down but most were eventually released. It was interesting to watch and hard not to get my hopes up. My 50% was months away but not that far. I prayed every other minute that the door would remain open. That door is still open today.
My 50% came and shortly thereafter I was released after a few bumps in the road. I was originally given a release date and went into quarantine. The day I was to leave, my family had driven for hours and were at the hotel waiting until it was time to come get me. I will never forget the booming voice that called my name to come out of quarantine and go to the administration office.
My date had been pulled! What I mean is I wasn’t going home. Not yet. It can happen just like that. I was less than an hour to the door and I had given everything away already. It was horrible and I was a mess but I was blessed because this issue was fixable. There was something wrong with the paperwork at the halfway house that was supposed to monitor me. Some little mess up and I was going nowhere. This is not uncommon, unfortunately, but my case manager was amazing and worked through it and I left the next week.
And here I am… out on home confinement. I’m in the comfort of my own house, typing away on my laptop, with bed warmers and a down-filled comforter, lots of pillows, dogs to keep me company, and the best family and friends I could ever ask for. I have a cell phone with unlimited minutes, I can text, use social media, and nobody counts me…oh, and a TV and remote. I am truly home…
From prison, the thought of home confinement was like a dream. It is better than prison but a whole new animal to conquer. The parameters in which you must stay can feel so restrictive. There are no last-minute plans made while on home confinement. You adhere to a schedule that you create within the boundaries given to you and it must be approved ahead of time. You are accountable for your every move. If you forgot to put something on your schedule you won’t be going unless you can get a case manager to approve.
Halfway houses monitor people on home confinement. It’s weird to me that a city as big as Kansas City does NOT have a halfway house. I have to see my case manager once a week. So I drive an hour and 20 min every single week to pass a drug test and for a quick chat with my case manager. Then I drive home… and on every trip, I reflect on my sobriety and the fact that all this insanity saved my life.
I have to say that the people that monitor me are awesome! They are the most supportive and compassionate people I have encountered. I am on an ankle monitor but I still have to check in three times a day. Just a quick call from 6 am to 2 pm, 2 pm to 10 pm, and the last call from 10 pm to 6 am. You can call to stop for gas or a drive-through but no grocery store or other random stop.
The grocery store is a tough one. You can have one grocery store stop a week and it must be approved on your schedule. Oh, the grocery store when you first get out… that is a whole other blog.
I’m constantly concerned that I will make a mistake. There are some landmines… For instance, one day my dad was going to the store after a snowstorm. I was concerned and told him I would go for him. It was just my instinct to offer to go. For a split second, I forgot my situation, forgot about the ankle monitor, and I was going to go… He was quick to remember and tell me no. I am sure I would have remembered, at least I hope. This type of situation gives me nightmares frequently. So far so good…
Home confinement just feels unnatural. If you want a family gathering it has to be at your house or a place of business. You can’t go to anyone else’s residence. This can be hard for people to comprehend especially when they see you out all the time. What people don’t see is you are on a schedule and you are exactly where you put down on your itinerary at the time you said you would be there. It’s not freedom, it’s just an outing.
I have to add that home confinement across this country is different from halfway house to halfway house. Some monitoring facilities, aka halfway houses, allow visiting other people’s homes and some don’t. Some work on a schedule while others do passes. You would think it was black and white across the board but it isn’t. The rules are not always consistent.
In conclusion, home confinement can be difficult but what I know is there is a light at the end of this tunnel and while I want to hurry the process I can’t. Being on home confinement means I am on the downhill slope to freedom. The hard part is over and freedom is on the horizon. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am almost there and I am in exactly the place I am supposed to be.
