Here’s To Dodging Bullets, Except For That One Time…
A decade ago, on February 2nd, the universe tested my strength in the most brutal way. Chained to a hospital bed, adorned with pink handcuffs, I bore the physical and emotional scars of a bullet that had found its way into the back of my head, courtesy of the very people sworn to protect.
For years, the approaching anniversary unleashed a torrent of anxiety, an invisible force that crippled my mental well-being. Each passing year brought with it the haunting memories of that fateful night, the echo of gunfire, and the relentless replay of a moment when my life hung in the balance. It was a subconscious torment, tearing at the fabric of my relationships and sanity.
But this year, I’ve decided to rewrite the narrative. This year, I choose celebration. Because despite the darkness that sought to consume me, I am still here. That bullet meant to harm, instead altered the course of my existence. So, here’s to resilience.
How does one bounce back from such a traumatic event? As I braced myself for the emotional storm leading up to this anniversary, I had a revelation — I am a badass. I emerged victorious from the depths of despair, grappling with a severe concussion, blurred vision, stammered speech, and the shadows of that night. I fought my way back, both mentally and physically.
This year, I am not a victim; I am a warrior. If I can survive a bullet to the head, I can endure anything. Addiction, incarceration, and the aftermath of a life-altering incident — I’ve faced them all. I refuse to let fear be my constant companion; I grant myself permission to let go.
For a decade, February cast a dark shadow over my life. Eleven months of the year, I functioned fully, but February held me hostage in a cycle of anxiety, shame, and victimhood. The victim mentality, I’ve learned, steals your power and robs you of a life that could be reclaimed. I fought a war against myself, but now I stand empowered.
Living on the dark side leaves one vulnerable. Unfortunate events can unfold, blame can be unjustly assigned, and concern may be absent. That night, entirely beyond my control, became a force that dictated my life. I was trapped in a war against myself, a prisoner of my own mind.
Today, as I reflect on that harrowing night, I embrace the strength that carried me through. I am not defined by the events that unfolded, but rather by the resilience that allowed me to rise above them. So here’s to dodging bullets and emerging not as a victim but as a survivor, a testament to the indomitable spirit within.
