Being Happier with Less

Some of the lessons I’ve learned in prison are priceless. I would never have signed up for this experience, but I must admit I’ve kind of turned it into my own personal experiment on myself, and others. I try to be as present as possible and notice my weirdness and compare it to real life when I was on the streets. I remember when my horses would have different issues and my trainer would tell me to change their environment for at least 30 days and see what changes occur. Well, I have definitely had my environment changed for almost 2.5 years now, and as I really begin to take inventory of myself and the world around me, I’m shocked to realize what I find.

There really can be comfort, happiness, and peace in having less choices and focusing on more important things. Once I realized this, I started asking others their opinions on this bizarre phenomenon. Much to my surprise, many were seeing what I was seeing. Less is more and simple really can be better. Now this didn’t happen to me right away, but suddenly, I finally noticed there was this weird peace and calm with my extremely simple life. I realized I better write about it. So, if you will be arriving at a prison soon, you might try this mindset on for size.

Just take a sip, swish it around, and see how it tastes. For those who have a loved one incarcerated, this might help you to encourage them to accept their surroundings and embrace this positivity that they may not be recognizing that living with less and seeking the correct things, can truly be a blessing and can be an opportunity to reset themselves and their life. Encourage your loved one to take this chance to embrace their humanity and the peace that comes with simplicity.

Years ago, I loved to shop, I loved to spend money. My daughter was so comfortable at the Coach store she liked to act like she was a display. Then with my career becoming less and less lucrative, I became a real thrifty shopper. As a thrifty shopper, getting what you want can become an art, a sport, or some might just consider it more of an addiction. It becomes a real hunt and with that hunt I think there was more of an addiction to choose. When I would shop for something, I would look for as many options as possible before deciding. I remember dreaming about my purchasing decisions and would wake up with all kinds of regret. I would drive myself insane and create so much unnecessary anxiety. I can’t say I was ever really satisfied with any choice I made because of all the options I would search for. I would feel regret, panic, and nowhere close to satisfied. I would feel I missed something, or there was a better deal, or something. I thought all those items would bring me comfort and finding the best possible option would make me happy. Closets full of clothes and shoes, a garage full of toys we barely used, and an attic with more stuff and I still felt empty. Items that were once coveted treasures, had become just a filler with no value other than just taking up space and not even a hint of satisfaction.

Then I came to prison and the choices became scarce or were made for me. Monday through Friday from 6 am to 3:30 if we are out and about, we are suited and booted in our green uniforms the institution provides. Now you can purchase your own steel toed boots, but you have one choice, that is it, and I am oddly satisfied. I really feel like I will own a pair of these boots forever, it is weird. On the streets I would have tried on a minimum of 10 pairs, but not here. On nights and weekends or anywhere at recreation we can wear our greys. I normally opt for the brown institution T-shirt, but the rest of the grey attire is purchased in commissary. Grey T-shirt, long sleeve, sweatshirt, sweatpants, shorts are available to purchase and the only choice to make is the size because the color is all the same. There are only 2 pair of athletic shoes to choose from. So, you pick one, buy it, and wear it, the end. If someone would have told me that one day I could find satisfaction with pretty much no choices in clothes, I would have called them a liar or pointed and laughed, but that is what happened, and it makes life pretty easy.

Some people that come from other institutions transfer with these same items but in different colors. There is a light grey, almost white sweat suit, and some green ones too, and then there is the rare and highly coveted white T-shirt. These items as well as shoes you cannot buy here are called “exclusive” and if in decent condition can be worth a ridiculous amount. It is always fun to watch someone walk across the compound with something different, you would think a unicorn came through.

In the past, I remember anguishing for hours and sometimes days over my clothes and what I was going to wear to different events. With huge closets and dressers full of everything and in every color and style, I would lose my

mind and swear I had absolutely nothing to wear. There were some days I would just give up, and not bother going to whatever was planned. I would just freeze and fail at making a choice.

Now I have my tiny locker to hold my extremely simple wardrobe of grey cotton clothing and brown T-shirts. The only thing you can hang up are the green uniforms. With no real options, there isn’t much thought needed on what to wear. Last night was New Year’s Eve and we had a party for the compound. It was a pretty big deal with 90 of the 260 people that are here now. I even performed, lip singed and danced for everyone. Guess what I wore? A brown T-shirt and some grey shorts where my ball gown and I was dressed in less than a minute.

People kept telling me how beautiful I looked. I laughed about it and recognized that I found instant joy in not stressing over dumb stuff and there is beauty in simplicity. Same thing with birthdays and holidays, you just wear what you wear and there is this weird feeling of comfort and satisfaction because we are accepted just as we are, the playing field is completely even.

We can color our hair; however, we must keep it close to our natural color and not make crazy changes. We must choose from is blond, light brown, dark brown, black, and auburn. That is it! Just nice and easy, no really its just another Revlon product, but it sure does make life simple.

There are normally 2 to 3 shampoos and conditioners to choose from, so you just pick one and off you go. I remember sniffing shampoo and conditioners for ridiculous amounts of time and doing research to find the best products. Somehow my hair is healthier than it has been in years with just simple products. It’s just crazy. There is a list of hygiene and makeup that can be chosen in just a few minutes. We get paper commissary lists, check our selections, and drop the sheet through the slot on our shop days. Then the commissary girls will fill your basket and push it through the window. We don’t use credit cards or cash; you only need your thumb print to check out and its conveniently attached to your body. How easy is that?

Then there is media. I remember having 100’s of channels to surf through and there was NOTHING on. Here we vote for the shows we want to see and have a TV committee once a month tally the votes and post a schedule of what will be viewed on the 5 TVs. So if you want to watch TV, you and all your friends need to vote for the shows you want, then you go to the schedule and head to the room of whatever choice you make to watch with your chair. People just sit there watching the show all the way through without flipping through channels because the remotes are shared, and flipping doesn’t work here.

I used to spend so much time on the internet. I’m pretty sure I was addicted to Googling things. Dumb things. I just felt I needed to know everything so when I had a question, I would immediately start searching and head down some rabbit hole that took me a whole lot of nowhere. After I was incarcerated, I thought I was going to lose my mind because I kept wanting things looked up. My daughter became my Google so I would keep my questions to a minimum. There were so many things I had an urge to know about right that second and then I started realizing that really wasn’t necessary. Now it’s amazing how much quicker I finish things like books and magazines. I can just read and not ask 1000 questions. There are times I still call in a Google request, but not too often.

Social media was another one I thought I might just shrivel up and die without. By way of social media, this is solitary confinement. I must talk to people and walk around to see people; I can’t just hide in a room looking at a device. I do regret the time spent on social media seeing what other people were doing when I should have been present with my own loved ones and myself. I realize now that social media makes it nearly impossible to stay in your own lane. Whether you know it, or just don’t want to admit it, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. It’s been really refreshing not having that option here.

Then there is the aps that I loved so much. The popping of the bubbles, building little armies, farms, whatever. I will admit there are times I dream about mindlessly popping bubbles. What a way to pass the time? Now I shudder at the time that passes, and I must stop and realize how much time we waste with these silly activities. Here we have trulinks. We get on and check/write messages for 30 min at a time. There is a music section where we have 15 min to listen to tiny clips to decide if we want to purchase the song. You can also check your phone and commissary accounts and other bulletins. I will sometimes catch people mindlessly checking each tab, which you can only check once, like they are checking all the aps. We have no aps to make our life’s easier. Not hearing the constant alerts from all the notifications was terribly hard at first. It’s funny how the dings create a feeling of acceptance, being noticed, and connecting with someone. However, that is no way to connect really. It’s just a superficial ding. It’s like rattling a feed bag and a horse thinking they are starving to death. I realized I had been programmed by technology and have become addicted to approval/notifications.

With each ding my brain thought it meant approval. Now I go the whole day without any dings and just check in

when I have some extra time. I think in the future I will opt to not have notifications with sound.

The most important part of this is that I realized that we will always be seeking and will never be satisfied when we are looking for everything but God. No amount of designer purses and shoes will fill the void. You look around and the most powerful people are codependent on something. That is because we are all wired to be codependent on God and yet we just can’t grasp this. I couldn’t. It took me coming here and sitting down, completely broken, before I would listen and understand. Sometimes we must be stripped of everything before we can accept that our values are not correct and are extremely dangerous. When you sit down and experience the calming peace that comes from developing a relationship with God, you stop seeking and things fall into places you never would have dreamed were possible. It took me coming to prison and writing this blog to really realize how much value I put into being accepted. Now I realize I am accepted by God and that is all that matters.

In conclusion, accepting that having thousands of choices can lull us into a false sense of security and so many of these little things are addictions and harmful, was a huge step for me. Being an ex-drug addict, I’m quick to justify things and say, “well I’m not using drugs.” It’s like I thought anything other than my drug addiction would not really be an addiction. All the purchases, “likes” and “friends” on social media doesn’t give me strength and is actually the chink in my armor.

Sometimes it isn’t the horrible things that will take us down. Some dumb things can make us feel comfortable and that can turn out to be so terribly dangerous. I am blessed to have this time to reset myself, find peace, and be put in a position to reevaluate my values and know that some things must change. I am even more blessed to have found God and finally recognize that is where I get my strength. Now I know that some will turn up their nose and call it jail house religion, but there is no shame anywhere Jesus can.be found. Where else on earth will you be freed up of time to spend with God? If you have a loved one incarcerated, I hope you can share this with them. Encourage them to embrace their situation and turn to God.