ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PRISON I LEARNED FROM KINDERGARTEN PART 2
10. WARM COOKIES AND COLD MILK ARE GOOD FOR YOU.
I battle my inner fat girl every single day, so I don’t know that I agree that warm cookies and milk are good for you. I would agree that it can boost morale and bring a little comfort and its ok if you indulge every once in a while, because in prison you do need a special treat to remind you that you are human. Don’t get used to this, and don’t let it become a bad habit. If you have struggled with addiction, food can easily become a drug of choice. They say men come to prison and get fit and women come to prison and get fat. There is some truth to that.
Here, we are trying to fight that and counter act that phenomena by encouraging movement. People get here and feel sorry for themselves and get stuck in a mode where all they do is search to seek comfort. I encourage people to be ok with being uncomfortable. When you are in prison, you are in a tiny world, and when something goes wrong in this tiny world, it is easy to overreact. I personally know how a situation that is more like a tiny rain shower can feel like a hurricane and consume you. A very wise person pointed that out to me during a minor situation that I swore was the end of the world, and I can’t begin to describe the relief it brought me.
Sometimes I find myself thinking that I need a treat because it was such a bad day, or a sad day, or even if it was a good day. Reward, celebration, or seeking comfort all seemed to be triggers to lead me to indulge and I realize so many of us are programmed to go to food for relief. I know I must consciously try to get over myself and my obsession with reward. I must constantly evaluate myself and negotiate another option for comfort or just feel and not act. Enjoying God, loved ones, fitness, art, and nature is where I turn.
11. LIVE A BALANCED LIFE- LEARN SOME THINK SOME AND DRAW AND PAINT AND SING AND DANCE AND PLAY AND WORK SOME EVERY DAY
While I feel compelled to change the grammar, I couldn’t agree more. Coming to prison, doesn’t mean your life is over. I think for a lot of people, this could be where life truly begins again. I feel like this one was written just for me. I do all these things and I highly recommend it, but I can’t say before prison I was practicing this concept, I lost myself somewhere along the way. I forgot how to have fun and enjoy life and I didn’t dance because I was afraid of someone judging me, I stopped painting, and I wasn’t the playful person I once was. I realize now how important it is to constantly seek a balance and even more important to consciously take steps out of your comfort zone. This is how you grow. Keep your life balanced but keep it moving.
In some of the fitness classes I teach I sometimes have everyone skip around the room. I just stop everything I· am doing and make them skip laps. Yes, that is right, a whole bunch of inmates skip around the gym with each other. You can’t skip without smiling no matter where you are. Then I make them jump imaginary mud puddles or lava, depending on my mood. It never gets old to watch grown people do things like this. It also great to watch the reactions of people that walk in on this activity, but people love it. Encouraging people to play is essential to keeping your sanity anywhere, but especially at an institution. Being institutionalized is truly a thing and is happens quickly around here. People conform to a mold they just can’t break, and any variation ruins their day completely. I refuse to become this way and I simply won’t allow myself to be ok with being complacent.
We fight battles every single day of our lives, but most are so small they don’t even register on our radar. I believe it is imperative to find balance between the negative with positive activities that make you smile, truly bring joy to your life, and take you away from reality.
12. TAKE A NAP EVERY AFTERNOON
In prison, people really like to nap. In Federal holding we were locked down several times a day and I just considered it nap time. Then when I got to prison where there were no lockdowns, I found myself annoyed at people napping. I just couldn’t understand it because I just couldn’t sit still. Then one day I came home from work and took a nap before my workout and felt the magic. I realized quiet time had to become part of my day.
I live on an alley of ladies that work all day and really like their quiet time when they get home to nap. It’s so quiet in the afternoon, I call it the morgue. A lot of days I teach right after work, but on the days I don’t, I joined the nap
club. Now I love to come home from my warehouse job and pass out before my nightly schedule begins, it’s just fabulous. I don’t remember naps being as common in the real world, but I think they can be a blessing. I think prison is a rare opportunity to rest and reset, but then you must begin to rebuild. Most people come to prison with their lives in ruins and it can be difficult to deal with and some people run from the memories like I was doing when I first got here. I realized I couldn’t run from myself and it was time to face some things and with that this quiet time evolved to become time for meditation and prayer. We don’t have the constant bombardment of technology and devices as people in the real world so I think it may be easier to get quiet in here. However, we are surrounded by people and activity, and getting quiet and assessing our situation is necessary. I think it is so important to make an appointment with ourselves and with God to get centered. I am terrible at practicing meditation and I must constantly battle to remain still. During my appointed time with myself I take inventory of my thoughts, my mind and my body. I spend this time in prayer and meditating on God’s word and when I truly accomplish this, I feel like a new person.
13. WHEN YOU GO OUT INTO THE WORLD, WATCH OUT FOR TRAFFIC, HOLD HANDS, AND STICK TOGETHER.
When sharing a common interest and effort, we can get better together. This is so true for people that have been incarcerated. I personally feel I have an obligation to pave the way for others. I want to make things better for those that are incarcerated and for when we get out. I think some things become so familiar that we stop recognizing there is a problem. I want that to change. After being here with so many fantastic ladies, I want the world to know the potential of this tribe.
Conflict is healthy and natural. The wind strengthens the trees and the rain makes things grow. If there were only days full of sunshine and clear skies, well we would all just shrivel up and die. Storms are inevitable, and we must know this, but they are just so much easier to survive when we stick together. Here, we never stand alone. I watch people have high speed come-a-parts when they approach release and I can see why. When you experience the love and support that inmates give one another, it’s almost scary to think of life without it. I believe that people that have been and are incarcerated must stick together both in and out of prison. Once we get out, it’s our responsibility to help provide others with the means to not have a crash landing.
We come here at zero and we leave at zero as well. No matter what we did before, people are going to be distracted by the huge blip prison makes on someone’s radar. I know I have a lot to prove and my life experiences are unique, and I find myself excited to take on the mountain that lays ahead. I see prison as a place to practice getting up and a place to learn to fall without really getting down.
I think it is time to change the perception of society of incarceration and of us inmates. It’s the only way prison reform will truly take place and it must be a group effort. Yes, I am talking about changing the world. I like to go big or go home, and they won’t let me go home yet.
14. BE AWARE OF WONDER
Yesss! There is wonder everywhere, even in prison. I like to think of prison as a cocoon. We survive and are protected incased in this cocoon. It protects us from the outside world and gives us the opportunity to morph into butterflies, if we dare to go the distance. There is so much wonder in that opportunity and even more wonder in the transformation that happens within. It is so important to recognize and embrace that beauty and fall in love with the transformation process.
Some people have a distorted since of life because they are here, and they just want to give up. There is life in this cocoon, and we must learn to become invigorated by the unknown and deny our innate craving of stability and certainty that can impede our quality of life and stunt some healthy growth. When we get caught up in our own interpretation of things that are often fueled by our own personal history and not necessarily reality, we tend to ignore what challenges us. Don’t be pushed and pulled by your past and future, just live right now.
Here instead of looking at a phone all day for every little thing or just to pass the time, we must walk around and talk to real live people and have real conversations. A quick text isn’t an option and I think it’s a good thing for having better relationships. Life is just slower here, and I have come to appreciate it because I slow down and appreciate things I would have never noticed.
15. GOLDFISH AND HAMSTERS AND WHITE MICE AND EVEN THE LITTLE SEED IN THE STYROFOAM CUP-THEY ALL DIE. SO DO WE.
This is the toughest one when it comes to prison life. Life is just too short and if there is anything I’ve learned from my experience with incarceration, it’s that my family and friends are priceless. That connection with your loved ones just makes life better. You really don’t have to worry about being perfect or saying the perfect things, or getting it all right, you just must focus on loving and standing by one another through the storms and the sunshine.
This one really hits home this week. One of my dear sweet friends that has less than two months before her release, lost her mom last week, and this week got the news that her brother was in a horrible accident and was on life support. I can’t image going through this kind of grief anywhere, but here is especially horrifying. Being in this tiny world all the bad things are magnified in our minds and a situation like this doesn’t need to be any worse. Federal prisons have furloughs that allow inmates to have a bedside visit or go to a funeral. It is kind of rare but if you are already close to getting out, they will normally allow it. Since she is almost out the door anyway, they helped her arrange a furlough to go see her brother before he died. Her ride was in route and as she paced back and forth waiting, they called her up to the admin building to let her know her brother had passed. Within two weeks she lost her family she had planned to go home to in less than two months… My tears are already forming while I type. Things like this makes me want to put my loved ones in a padded room and tell them not to move or do anything dangerous. I thought it was the end of the world when my dog and horse died, but this, I don’t have words.
Watching people grieve here is heartbreaking. Phone calls that literally drop people to the floor are terrible to watch and know there is not much we can do to help, except just be there, and I guess that the best thing anyone can really do anyway.
16. AND THEN REMEMBER THE DICK AND JANE BOOKS AND THE FIRST WORD YOU LEARNED- THE BIGGEST WORD OF ALL- LOOK.
When it comes to prison it is important to look around and be present. Notice your surroundings and the people you live with. Living at a camp is like having a revolving door of people. Sometimes I walk into the chow hall and feel like I’m surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Its ok though, you learn something from everyone you meet, if you make it a priority. I think you must refuse to keep things simple. So many of us played the ostrich which landed us here, so take off those blinders and look for someone to learn from, look for someone to help and to teach, and look around and observe the people and what they are doing all around you. Uncover what you normally wouldn’t see and do your best to understand. Don’t ignore something just because it challenges you. Don’t let your brain trick you and allow fear to dictate your perception. Life is uncertain so don’t bury your head in the sand and pretend things aren’t happening around you.
I remember sitting around staring at my phone doing whatever it was I thought was so important at the time. It was next to impossible to look at life around me, because all I looked at was that phone. I don’t ever want to go back.
In conclusion, if your loved one is incarcerated or you are on your way, don’t worry, life just becomes simpler and things slow down and it is going to be ok. Fear of the unknown can seem unbearable and make your mind run wild, it did for me. There is nothing to fear and nothing you must learn; all you need to know to survive here you learned in kindergarten. The realities of prison life are full of ups and downs, such is life, no matter where you are. Living a meaningful life consists of the same necessities no matter where you are located. Life in prison is about as basic as you can possibly get, and you don’t need rocket science knowledge to survive. What I thought my life would be like and what it is, is far better than I ever imagined. I hear about people seeking advice and desperate for information and I remember feeling that way and my heart goes out to them because they are making things way more complicated then they need to be. We don’t have bills to pay, our laundry is done, food is acquired and served, family and careers aren’t in here with us. Most of the things that create stress are not here and that leaves you with some decisions to navigate this intersection in your life. Do you sit idly by waiting for your release? Or do you live life as full as you can make it. I choose the latter and I encourage everyone to do the same.
