5 things a loved one can do to help the person on pretrial keep realistic expectations?

1. If the person doesn’t know God or know how to pray, introduce them. This is vital to their success.

2. Encourage counseling. Now is the time to be honest and take responsibility. Prison may be on the horizon, but you are about to be freed from the prison of lies and secrets. This is priceless. The feds will pay for counseling as well as drug treatment. How bad is your addiction? Gambling? Get this person to get to the root of the problem and get it all out. It may get them into a residential drug program and get time off their sentence. Repent…

3. Encourage and help get affairs in order. Your loved one is going to prison. They won’t be the special one that gets the golden ticket. If they are dealing with the feds, they are going. They need a power of attorney, deal with anything they own, plan for kids, pets. This plan needs to be adjustable. I was on pretrial for 3 years before I turned myself in. I was told there would be another continuance which meant at least 6 more months. Instead I had to turn myself in 3 weeks later.

4. With the First Step Act in place your loved one will probably be within 500 miles of their home. Encourage them to do their research on the closest prisons. Get commissary lists and check prices on the things you will need. You will also need visitor forms, directions for mail and books and how to deposit money. They need to save money. Please understand they are living in limbo and this can be hard just to hold down a job or do anything because they know it is only temporary. Federal prison jobs don’t pay much. They may need assistance because communication is very expensive.

5. Get dental and medical issues resolved. This is not a retirement plan. Healthcare and dental is horrible. Wean yourself off as much medication as possible and as soon as possible. Tylenol and Ibuprofen is the best you will get. If you have a problem with a tooth it will probably get pulled.

Its a big scary thing your loved one has coming on the horizon. Help them to stay focused on the positive. This is not the end of the world so don’t give up. Don’t shut down. Focus on making small righteous decisions and take it day by day or second by second. Whatever you need to do to make it thru.

I strongly suggest focusing on fitness. This can be a great stress reliever and something to help pass the time. Take this opportunity to better yourself.

It is going to be a roller coaster. Mine was a big drug case that kept getting superseded and continued to grow. With every continuance the stress would rise. I am so grateful I spent as much time with my family during this time. Everyone else disappears so hold on tight to those closest to you. Get clean. Get healthy. Grab on to your loved ones and hold on tight.

Women’s federal prison is not a scary place. Focus on you. Now is your time to get to know yourself and better yourself. Get a job. Take every class you can. Teach some classes and help others. You are about to meet a bunch of women you will never forget. They will become your family and you can get so much out of this if you look for opportunity.

The scripture I live by is 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.