20 TIPS TO HELP YOUR LOVED ON IN PRISON MAKE A LIFESTYLE CHANGE AND BECOME A POSITIVE PERSON

I haven’t always been this positive upbeat person. I wasted a lot of my life being negative. The negativity became a runaway train. Of course, as years went by, I found myself more and more negative and as the world began to swallow me whole, I found myself engulfed in negativity. I chose to focus on negative things, speak about negative things, and let myself fester on negative emotions. That is a recipe for disaster and unfortunately, something major must happen to promote a change. For me, prison happened. It is where I decided to choose to let go of the anger, pain and everything negative and change my life.

I chose to live as a positive person with an optimistic outlook on life. Instead of talking about my problems, I chose to talk about positive things. I found that constantly talking about my problems never seemed to solve them. Focusing on problems is focusing on the negative. When you are living in the negative you can’t live a positive life and will miss out on the peace that comes from being optimistic.

Negativity breeds negativity. Positivity breeds passion, love and peace. Sometimes it is easier to be negative. If you are already expecting the worst, you can’t be let down. This is no way to live. Negativity is a cancer that only optimism can defeat. However, you must consciously make that choice. You don’t necessarily have to figure it out, you just must make the choice and do it. Stop going thru life being negative.

Yes, we will always face hard times. It is how we go about overcoming the problem that makes the difference. I encourage you to stay open to being positive no matter how bad things are and it will change your path. Do not stay defeated.

Like so many things, being a positive person is a lifestyle. You must constantly relearn and reinforce the positivity in your life. Even though your loved one is incarcerated they can make this lifestyle change too. Encourage them to think in a positive way. Here are some tips to help your loved one make this change.

1. Your loved one needs to know that this isn’t a new chapter in their life, it’s a new book. They get to choose how they set the tone, write, and navigate their story. Encourage a positive and uplifting tone. This may be a hard sale at first, but I encourage you to lead by example and keep reinforcing things in a positive light.

2. Encourage your loved one to take responsibility. Taking responsibility can change the trajectory of their life. The federal government loves nothing more than us taking responsibility. Your loved one may have taken responsibility for more than was theirs and this could be a sore subject. It is so important for them to get thru this and start looking at things in a positive manner. Its ok if they feel wronged. You must work to get them on to better thoughts because being negative about it won’t change a thing.

Encourage them to not be a victim anymore. Let go of that mentality. Encourage them to take their story and all their challenges and use it for good. They can overcome these challenges with positivity and help others by lighting their way with optimism.

3. Encourage your loved one to find positive people and stick with them. Talk to your loved one about their friends and groups they are in and encourage them to avoid anything negative at all costs. Women are fixers by nature. I can assure you your loved one cannot fix all the broken folks in prison. We all must fix ourselves. Just keep reinforcing your loved one to seek out strong positive people.

4. Encourage them to make this lifestyle change jobs. A job they do with excellence! A job they can wake up and feel happy to tend to. Changing into a positive person will only make their life better. Sometimes a person just needs someone to point out that they are a negative person. It is their choice what they do with it.

5. Encourage your loved one to stop making excuses and eliminate mentalities that keep them from being a positive person. The effort they spend on making excuses needs to be redirected with love and encouragement. When they share things with you make sure you respond in a positive manner. Help them make a list of positive things in their life. It is time they stop festering on negativity.

6. Your loved one needs to stay in their own lane. Encourage them not to get caught up in anyone’s cases or situations and be very careful who they take advice from. Comparing yourself to others while incarcerated will make you crazy. We don’t have face book or Google so people can be anything they want here. It can be hard to discern the truth and who is telling the truth. People will act like they are experts on laws they know nothing about and will tell you all about it as if they have any idea what they are talking about. Most likely they don’t. The people that do know are the quiet ones in the law library that keep to themselves seek them out for advice and use the law library for yourself. Stay away from the negative folks on soap boxes.

7. Encourage your loved one to make being positive a priority and practice it in everything they do. This takes practice. Unfortunately, if your loved one has been negative for a long time this has become their comfort zone. Keep this in mind when you approach them. Even though it is not a good place, it’s what they see as safe.

8. Send books that inspire positivity as well as quotes or memes that your loved one can put on their board to see every day.

9. Encourage them to examine their life and the reactions to situations in the past. Encourage them to view them in a positive manner and help them to see the good in themselves and the good things they have accomplished.

10. Encourage your loved one that choosing to be positive and making that lifestyle change won’t happen overnight. Encourage a self-check from the time they wake up until they go to sleep. In each situation, did they react in a positive manner? If not, what could they have changed?

11. Encourage them to practice summoning positive, optimistic emotions. Again, it is something that must be practiced for it to take hold. Encourage them to become aware of the things they say to themselves. What they are telling themselves is extremely important and will have an impact on their ability to make a positive change.

12. Encourage them to do acts of kindness. Maybe buying hygiene for new people or indigent people and giving it to them without them knowing. They could also adopt an indigent person. After they have been down awhile, they will discover their own niche. I like to collect shoes for new people and those that can’t afford to buy them. I like to give them the shoes while encouraging them to go to the gym with me.

13. Let your loved one know that it is ok to be positive and optimistic. There can be guilt that comes along with this. Encourage them to let go of this guilt and shame so they can make the change. For every positive person, there is someone who will want to tear them down. Let your loved one know to look out for this.

14. If your loved one is still reluctant to try and be positive, have a conversation with them about what is holding them back. So many of us have learned to function in our dysfunction and although it isn’t where we want to be it is so familiar that it feels safe to us. Like anything you want to change you have to break the mold.

15. At some point on this crazy train we develop the ability to check out and just go on auto pilot. Encourage your loved one to stay present and take hold of their motives and steer them in a positive direction.

16. Encourage them to soak themselves in positivity. From what they watch, the books they read, the friends they make and conversations they have with people on the outside, they need to focus on the positive. What you watch and what you hear will greatly affect you. Encourage them to distance themselves from the news as well for a while. Watch it once and then move on. Don’t be one of those people sitting around screaming at the TV all day.

17. When your loved one becomes overwhelmed, remind them that they are safe, they are loved, all their basic needs are met and to relax and regroup. Now is the time to just sit down. Take it minute by minute if they must but encourage those minutes to be focused on positive.

18. When a situation arises praise your loved one on handling it in a positive manner. Encourage them that all these little battles are slowly changing them into a positive person.

19. Remind them that the biggest difficulty is inside of them. They might think it is the situation itself but it’s not. They are the only thing standing in their way of a positive life.

20. Differences will arise in a place like this. You have many different cultures and ways of life all squished in a small area. When someone has a different way of thinking, encourage your loved one to stop and listen and embrace this difference in a positive way. They must be open to the fact that there are other opinions than theirs.

In conclusion, your loved one is freer than they think. All the challenges that brought them to prison must be embraced. Prison is not going to be as hard as what they went through to get there. Now is the time for them to detach from any and every toxic relationship and association in their life. Encourage them to celebrate the freedom that comes from shedding the negativity in their life. Don’t let your loved one let anyone’s views dictate how they feel about themselves or their situation. Their prison sentence isn’t a death sentence. They can still live a wonderful, positive life if they choose to.